The Mother Guilt

When you are pregnant with your first baby you hear all about the joys of being a Mum as well as a whole lot more than you need or want to know about the agony of labour, the struggles of getting that baby to breastfeed so your nipples don't bleed like they've been mauled by a pit bull, and of surviving on next to no sleep.. 

but no one really ever mentions the hardest part of parenting.. 

The Mother Guilt.. 

It actually hits you before you have the baby, 

it starts with simple but very important questions; 

do I have a natural birth, or do I use all the glorious drugs that I can to hold off the pain.. Do I interfere with the natural process and get induced.. Will I end up having a C-section.. and the other question to all of these is.. 

how will it effect my baby?

and then.. what will other people think?

Then you have the baby and your mind takes off like a thoroughbred at a horse track.. Before you even get out of the hospital a million "do Is" fill your head...

Do I immunize, do I not immunize, do I partially immunize...do I breastfeed or bottle.. or maybe supplement.. Do I want to stay in 3 days or 5 (if you're lucky and don't get kicked out that is) and all the questions to these are.. 

how will it effect my baby?

and then... what will other people think?

You get home and its still there, lurking the back of your mind, always ready to question every step you make.. Do I use this bottle or the one shaped like a boob.. Am I for dummys or against.. Do I use cloth or disposable nappies.. Do I grab the jars of food from the shops or insist on homemade baby mush.. Do I become a baby sleeps in my bed and I don't own a pram, baby wearing mum, or do I lean towards becoming a pram wielding, cot using mumma.. 

and again

how will it effect my baby?

and then...what will people think?

this doesnt end with the baby stage either.. it seems to have continued so far even now Miss M is 7.and I'm sure it will be me for a long time to come.. 

although now I am a "barely coping with the whats for dinner question, mum of 3, suffering from depression and anxiety" 

But these days I have chilled out just a little..

I don't care as much as I did about what people think.. Maybe its a maturity thing, maybe its just self confidence, total exhaustion from over thinking or just a complete I really couldn't care less what "they" (they as in other mums, the mother in law, and all people who may be trying to tell us unasked for advice about what is best for our kiddos..) think anymore attitude...

My three have all had different paths. One breastfed for a long time, the other only 4months.. Miss M had 5 or 6 dummies that she loved, Boy Blue sucked his thumb and Bubbaroo still prefers his two middle fingers.. 

One was toilet trained at 18months, another I waited til they were 2.5years. 

Miss M wasn't given a blankie, both my boys still have and love their softies.. And yes one of those boys is 6.

And I'm ok with how I do things because I look at my 6 and 7 year old (ok not so much the 2 year old..Im still working on him) and I see they are nice, polite,regular kids. 

But the thing is with all of them I have worried if I was doing the right thing. When really I should of been enjoying their baby stages, not wondering if someone will judge me for giving them juice instead of water.

Maybe this is why anxiety plagues me.. Maybe if I had realized earlier that its not important what people think, if Id of just got on with it and enjoyed parenting instead of wondering if every move I make is the wrong one I wouldn't be struggling to overcome the depression that surrounds me. 

So perhaps we should cut the last question, the what will people think and just focus on the "how will this effect my kids"

And then go with your gut, and don't let anyone tell you how to parent your kids.. 

because no one else in this world can be Mum to your kids.

Only YOU can do that job!